Here is the line-by-line paraphrase of Iachimo’s monologue from Cymbeline:

Original: Upon a time,—unhappy was the clock
Modern: Once upon a time — and I curse the very hour

Original: That struck the hour!—it was in Rome,—accursed
Modern: That it happened — it was in Rome — damn the place

Original: The mansion where!—‘twas at a feast,—O, would
Modern: Where it took place! It was at a dinner party — and God, I wish

Original: Our viands had been poison’d, or at least
Modern: The food had been poisoned, or at the very least

Original: Those which I heaved to head!—the good Posthumus—
Modern: The food I brought to my own lips! — The honorable Posthumus —

Original: What should I say? he was too good to be
Modern: What can I even say? He was too good a man to be

Original: Where ill men were; and was the best of all
Modern: Surrounded by men like us; he was the finest of all

Original: Amongst the rarest of good ones,—sitting sadly,
Modern: Even among the best of men — and there he sat, looking troubled,

Original: Hearing us praise our loves of Italy
Modern: Listening to us brag about our Italian lovers

Original: For beauty that made barren the swell’d boast
Modern: Whose beauty made even the most boastful praise fall flat —

Original: Of him that best could speak, for feature, laming
Modern: No words could do them justice; their looks put to shame

Original: The shrine of Venus, or straight-pight Minerva.
Modern: Even the goddess Venus herself, or perfectly poised Minerva.

Original: Postures beyond brief nature, for condition,
Modern: Their grace went beyond what nature usually gives; in character,

Original: A shop of all the qualities that man
Modern: They were a treasure chest of every quality that a man

Original: Loves woman for, besides that hook of wiving,
Modern: Could ever want in a woman, beyond just the obvious attraction of marriage —

Original: Fairness which strikes the eye—
Modern: A beauty that stops you dead in your tracks —

Original: All too soon I shall,
Modern: I’ll get there soon enough,

Original: Unless thou wouldst grieve quickly. This Posthumus,
Modern: Unless you’d rather rush to your own heartbreak. This Posthumus,

Original: Most like a noble lord in love and one
Modern: Every bit the noble gentleman in love, and a man

Original: That had a royal lover, took his hint;
Modern: Who felt his lady was worthy of a queen’s praise, took his cue;

Original: And, not dispraising whom we praised,—therein
Modern: And without putting down the women we praised — and in that

Original: He was as calm as virtue—he began
Modern: He was as steady and dignified as virtue itself — he began

Original: His mistress’ picture; which by his tongue being made,
Modern: To paint a portrait of his lady with his words alone, and once he did,

Original: And then a mind put in’t, either our brags
Modern: And added to it her intelligence and spirit, either our boasting

Original: Were crack’d of kitchen-trolls, or his description
Modern: Made us sound like we were praising low-class servants, or his description

Original: Proved us unspeaking sots.
Modern: Made us look like speechless fools.

Original: Your daughter’s chastity—there it begins.
Modern: Your daughter’s purity — that’s where the real story starts.

Original: He spake of her, as Dian had hot dreams,
Modern: He spoke of her as if even the goddess Diana had passionate desires,

Original: And she alone were cold: whereat I, wretch,
Modern: And Imogen alone was truly pure and untouched. At that, I — miserable wretch that I am —

Original: Made scruple of his praise; and wager’d with him
Modern: Questioned and doubted what he said about her; and I made a bet with him

Original: Pieces of gold ‘gainst this which then he wore
Modern: Staking gold coins against the ring he was wearing

Original: Upon his honour’d finger, to attain
Modern: On his honored finger — betting that I could succeed

Original: In suit the place of’s bed and win this ring
Modern: In seducing her, getting her into bed, and winning that ring

Original: By hers and mine adultery. He, true knight,
Modern: Through our mutual adultery. He, the true and faithful man he is,

Original: No lesser of her honour confident
Modern: Just as confident in her honor and faithfulness

Original: Than I did truly find her, stakes this ring;
Modern: As she truly turned out to be, put up this ring as his bet;

Original: And would so, had it been a carbuncle
Modern: And he would have wagered it even if it had been a priceless jewel

Original: Of Phoebus’ wheel, and might so safely, had it
Modern: From the chariot of the sun god himself — and he could have done so safely, had it

Original: Been all the worth of’s car. Away to Britain
Modern: Been worth the entire chariot. Off to Britain

Original: Post I in this design: well may you, sir,
Modern: I rushed with this scheme in mind: you may well recall, sir,

Original: Remember me at court; where I was taught
Modern: Seeing me at your court; where I was given a powerful lesson

Original: Of your chaste daughter the wide difference
Modern: By your chaste daughter about the enormous difference

Original: ‘Twixt amorous and villanous. Being thus quench’d
Modern: Between loving desire and outright villainy. Having had my hopes

Original: Of hope, not longing, mine Italian brain
Modern: Completely extinguished — not my desire, just my hope — my scheming Italian mind

Original: ‘Gan in your duller Britain operate
Modern: Began to work its tricks in your simpler, quieter Britain

Original: Most vilely; for my vantage, excellent:
Modern: In the most despicable way — but very effectively for my own purposes:

Original: And, to be brief, my practise so prevail’d,
Modern: And to make a long story short, my scheming worked so well,

Original: That I return’d with simular proof enough
Modern: That I came back with enough fake evidence

Original: To make the noble Leonatus mad,
Modern: To drive the honorable Leonatus out of his mind,

Original: By wounding his belief in her renown
Modern: By destroying his faith in her good name and reputation

Original: With tokens thus, and thus; averting notes
Modern: With these pieces of evidence, one after another — pointing out details

Original: Of chamber-hanging, pictures, this her bracelet,—
Modern: Of her bedroom’s decorations, its artwork, this bracelet of hers —

Original: O cunning, how I got it!—nay, some marks
Modern: Oh, what a devious trick I used to get it! — and even some private marks

Original: Of secret on her person, that he could not
Modern: On her body that are known only in intimacy, so that he couldn’t help

Original: But think her bond of chastity quite crack’d,
Modern: But believe her vow of faithfulness had been completely broken,

Original: I having ta’en the forfeit. Whereupon—
Modern: And that I had claimed what he had lost. And after that —

Original: Methinks, I see him now—
Modern: Even now I can picture him before me —

Cymbeline tells the story of King Cymbeline of Britain, whose daughter Imogen secretly marries Posthumus Leonatus against her father’s wishes. Cymbeline banishes Posthumus to Rome, where he boasts of Imogen’s virtue and fidelity. The cunning Iachimo wagers that he can seduce Imogen and prove her unfaithful. When his direct attempts fail, Iachimo hides in a trunk in Imogen’s bedchamber, emerges while she sleeps, and steals her bracelet while noting intimate details of her body and room.

Returning to Rome with his false evidence, Iachimo convinces Posthumus that Imogen has been unfaithful. Enraged, Posthumus orders his servant Pisanio to kill Imogen. Instead, Pisanio reveals the plot to Imogen and helps her escape by disguising her as a young man named Fidele. She flees to the Welsh mountains, where she unknowingly encounters her long-lost brothers, Guiderius and Arviragus, who were kidnapped as infants and raised by the banished lord Belarius.

Meanwhile, Cymbeline’s evil Queen (Imogen’s stepmother) plots to poison Imogen and place her own son Cloten on the throne. Cloten pursues Imogen to Wales, where Guiderius kills him in combat. The Queen’s physician Cornelius has secretly given her a sleeping potion instead of poison, but when Imogen takes it believing it to be medicine, she falls into a death-like sleep beside Cloten’s headless corpse, whom she mistakes for Posthumus upon awakening.

The play culminates when Roman forces invade Britain. During the battle, the disguised Imogen serves the Romans while her unknown brothers and Belarius fight for Britain. After Britain’s victory, all deceptions are revealed: Iachimo confesses his lies, the Queen dies after admitting her evil plots, Imogen’s true identity and virtue are established, the royal brothers are restored to their father, and Posthumus and Imogen are reunited. Cymbeline makes peace with Rome and pardons all offenders.