Original: With too much blood and too little brain, these two may run mad; but, if with too much brain and too little blood they do, I’ll be a curer of madmen.
Modern: These two might go crazy from having too much passion and too little sense; but if they go crazy from overthinking and having no passion, then I must be a doctor who treats insane people.

Original: Here’s Agamemnon, an honest fellow enough and one that loves quails; but he has not so much brain as earwax:
Modern: Here’s Agamemnon, a decent enough guy who enjoys women; but he doesn’t have as much brains as he has earwax:

Original: and the goodly transformation of Jupiter there, his brother, the bull,—the primitive statue, and oblique memorial of cuckolds;
Modern: and there’s his brother, who’s like Jupiter transformed into a bull—a walking monument to cuckolded husbands;

Original: a thrifty shoeing-horn in a chain, hanging at his brother’s leg,—to what form but that he is, should wit larded with malice and malice forced with wit turn him to?
Modern: a useful tool dangling from his brother’s leg—what else could cleverness mixed with cruelty and cruelty mixed with cleverness turn him into?

Original: To an ass, were nothing; he is both ass and ox: to an ox, were nothing; he is both ox and ass.
Modern: Calling him a donkey wouldn’t be enough; he’s both donkey and ox: calling him an ox wouldn’t be enough; he’s both ox and donkey.

Original: To be a dog, a mule, a cat, a fitchew, a toad, a lizard, an owl, a puttock, or a herring without a roe, I would not care;
Modern: I wouldn’t mind being a dog, a mule, a cat, a polecat, a toad, a lizard, an owl, a vulture, or even a worthless fish;

Original: but to be Menelaus, I would conspire against destiny.
Modern: but if I had to be Menelaus, I would fight against fate itself.

Original: Ask me not, what I would be, if I were not Thersites; for I care not to be the louse of a lazar, so I were not Menelaus!
Modern: Don’t ask me what I’d rather be if I weren’t Thersites; I’d rather be a lice on a diseased beggar than be Menelaus!

Original: Hey-day! spirits and fires!
Modern: What’s this? Torches and people approaching!

Troilus and Cressida — Act V, Scene i

In this scene, Achilles receives a letter from Hecuba, the queen of Troy, and a token from her daughter Polyxena, with whom Achilles is secretly in love. The letter reminds Achilles of an oath he swore to Polyxena to keep out of the fighting, and Achilles resolves to honor this vow and remain inactive in the battle. Thersites arrives and delivers a letter from Patroclus, and the two exchange a series of crude insults, with Thersites unleashing a torrent of scurrilous abuse. Achilles then invites Hector and other Trojan lords, who are visiting the Greek camp under a truce, to dine with him that evening.

Hector, Troilus, Ajax, and other lords arrive at the Greek camp, and Achilles greets Hector, studying him carefully as a man he intends eventually to kill in battle. After the Trojans depart for the feast, Thersites lingers on stage and delivers a bitter, mocking commentary on the proceedings. He also encounters Patroclus and continues his relentless mockery. The scene closes with Thersites disparaging nearly everyone involved, particularly dwelling on the theme of moral corruption and foolishness among both the Greek and Trojan camps, reserving special scorn for those driven by lust and pride.

Troilus and Cressida is set during the Trojan War and follows two interconnected storylines. The first centers on the tragic love affair between Troilus, a young Trojan prince, and Cressida, daughter of the Trojan priest Calchas who has defected to the Greeks. With the help of Cressida’s uncle Pandarus, the lovers are brought together and consummate their relationship, pledging eternal fidelity to one another.

Meanwhile, the Greek camp is plagued by dissension and a breakdown in military hierarchy. The war has dragged on for seven years with little progress. Agamemnon and Nestor struggle to maintain order while Achilles sulks in his tent, refusing to fight. The Greeks attempt to provoke Achilles by having Ajax challenge the Trojan hero Hector to single combat, but this strategy fails to rouse Achilles to action.

The two plots converge when the Greeks and Trojans arrange a prisoner exchange: Cressida is to be traded to the Greek camp in return for the Trojan commander Antenor. Despite their vows of love, Cressida is forced to leave Troy. Once in the Greek camp, she quickly becomes involved with the Greek warrior Diomedes. Troilus witnesses her apparent betrayal during a nighttime encounter and is devastated by her inconstancy.

The play concludes with renewed fighting between the two armies. Hector, despite ominous warnings, enters battle and is treacherously killed by Achilles and his Myrmidons. Troilus, consumed with grief and rage over both Cressida’s betrayal and Hector’s death, vows revenge against the Greeks. The play ends without resolution, as the war continues with both sides having suffered significant losses.