Original: The spoons will be the bigger, sir.
Modern: The christening spoons will be large and impressive, sir.

Original: There is a fellow somewhat near the door, he should be a brazier by his face, for, o’ my conscience, twenty of the dog-days now reign in’s nose;
Modern: There’s a guy standing near the door—he must work with brass and fire, judging by his face, because I swear his nose is as red and hot as the hottest days of summer;

Original: all that stand about him are under the line, they need no other penance:
Modern: everyone standing around him is sweating like they’re in the tropics—they don’t need any other punishment:

Original: that fire-drake did I hit three times on the head, and three times was his nose discharged against me;
Modern: I hit that fire-breathing creature three times on the head, and three times he blew his nose at me;

Original: he stands there, like a mortar-piece, to blow us.
Modern: he stands there like a cannon, ready to blast us.

Original: There was a haberdasher’s wife of small wit near him, that railed upon me till her pinked porringer fell off her head, for kindling such a combustion in the state.
Modern: There was a hat-maker’s not-so-bright wife near him who screamed at me until her fancy decorated hat fell off her head, accusing me of causing such chaos in the kingdom.

Original: I missed the meteor once, and hit that woman;
Modern: I missed that fiery-nosed guy once and hit that woman instead;

Original: who cried out ‘Clubs!’ when I might see from far some forty truncheoners draw to her succor, which were the hope o’ the Strand, where she was quartered.
Modern: she yelled for the police, and I could see from a distance about forty club-carrying officers rushing to help her—the tough guys from the Strand district where she lived.

Original: They fell on; I made good my place:
Modern: They attacked me, but I held my ground:

Original: at length they came to the broom-staff to me; I defied ‘em still:
Modern: eventually they got close enough to fight me with sticks, but I still fought them off:

Original: when suddenly a file of boys behind ‘em, loose shot, delivered such a shower of pebbles, that I was fain to draw mine honour in, and let ‘em win the work:
Modern: when suddenly a group of boys behind them, acting like scattered gunfire, threw such a hailstorm of stones at me that I had no choice but to retreat with my dignity and let them win the battle:

Original: the devil was amongst ‘em, I think, surely.
Modern: the devil himself must have been with them, I’m sure of it.

Henry VIII: Plot Summary

The play opens in the court of King Henry VIII of England, where the powerful Cardinal Wolsey has orchestrated the downfall of the Duke of Buckingham, who is arrested for treason based on the testimony of his own surveyor. Despite pleas for mercy, Buckingham is condemned and executed. Meanwhile, King Henry meets Anne Bullen (Anne Boleyn) at a masque hosted by Cardinal Wolsey and becomes captivated by her. Henry also begins to express doubts about the validity of his marriage to Queen Katherine of Aragon, claiming his conscience troubles him over the legality of the union, as Katherine was previously married to his brother Prince Arthur.

Cardinal Wolsey works to manage the political situation, but his influence begins to unravel when Henry discovers that Wolsey has been secretly corresponding with the Pope to delay the annulment of Henry’s marriage to Katherine, and that Wolsey has been accumulating enormous personal wealth. Henry strips Wolsey of his offices and powers. Wolsey, broken by his fall from grace, dies before he can be brought to formal ruin. Queen Katherine, meanwhile, is put on trial regarding the annulment of her marriage. She passionately defends herself before the court but is ultimately cast aside. She later receives a vision of blessed spirits before dying, having been given the reduced title of Princess Dowager.

With Katherine removed, Henry marries Anne Bullen, and she is crowned Queen in a grand coronation celebrated by the common people. Archbishop Cranmer, a Protestant reformer and ally of the King, comes under threat from a council of nobles who attempt to bring charges against him. Henry, however, intervenes to protect Cranmer. The play concludes with the christening of Henry and Anne’s newborn daughter, the future Queen Elizabeth I, where Cranmer delivers a joyful prophecy foretelling the greatness of Elizabeth’s reign and the prosperity that will follow under her successor, King James I.