Original: What a damned Epicurean rascal is this! My heart is ready to crack with impatience.
Modern: What a pleasure-seeking villain he is! My heart is about to burst from waiting.

Original: Who says this is improvident jealousy? my wife hath sent to him; the hour is fixed; the match is made.
Modern: Who says I’m being foolishly jealous? My wife has contacted him; they’ve set a time; their meeting is arranged.

Original: Would any man have thought this?
Modern: Could any man have imagined this would happen?

Original: See the hell of having a false woman!
Modern: Look at the torture of having an unfaithful wife!

Original: My bed shall be abused, my coffers ransacked, my reputation gnawn at; and I shall not only receive this villanous wrong, but stand under the adoption of abominable terms, and by him that does me this wrong.
Modern: My marriage bed will be defiled, my money stolen, my good name destroyed; and not only will I suffer this terrible betrayal, but I’ll also have to endure being called horrible names by the very man who’s wronging me.

Original: Terms! names! Amaimon sounds well; Lucifer, well; Barbason, well; yet they are devils’ additions, the names of fiends: but Cuckold! Wittol!—Cuckold! the devil himself hath not such a name.
Modern: Names! Insults! Amaimon sounds fine; Lucifer sounds fine; Barbason sounds fine; but those are just devils’ names, names of demons—but “Cuckold!” “Fool!”—“Cuckold!” Even the devil himself doesn’t have such a shameful name.

Original: Page is an ass, a secure ass: he will trust his wife; he will not be jealous.
Modern: Page is a fool, a trusting fool—he believes in his wife and refuses to be suspicious.

Original: I will rather trust a Fleming with my butter, Parson Hugh the Welshman with my cheese, an Irishman with my aqua-vitae bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife with herself; then she plots, then she ruminates, then she devises; and what they think in their hearts they may effect, they will break their hearts but they will effect.
Modern: I’d sooner trust a Dutchman with my butter, a Welsh priest with my cheese, an Irishman with my whiskey, or a thief to exercise my horse, than trust my wife to be alone; because then she schemes, then she thinks, then she plans; and whatever women set their minds to accomplish, they’ll die trying before they give up on it.

Original: God be praised for my jealousy! Eleven o’clock the hour.
Modern: Thank God I’m jealous enough to see the truth! Eleven o’clock is when they’re meeting.

Original: I will prevent this, detect my wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh at Page.
Modern: I will stop this affair, catch my wife in the act, get my revenge on Falstaff, and mock Page for his blindness.

Original: I will about it; better three hours too soon than a minute too late.
Modern: I’ll get to work on this right away; it’s better to be three hours early than one minute late.

Original: Fie, fie, fie! cuckold! cuckold! cuckold!
Modern: Shame, shame, shame! Betrayed husband! Betrayed husband! Betrayed husband!

In Act II, Scene 2 of “The Merry Wives of Windsor,” Falstaff receives visits from both Ford and Page, though Ford appears disguised as “Brook.” Ford, under his assumed identity, tells Falstaff that he is desperately in love with Mistress Ford but has been unable to win her affections. He offers Falstaff money to seduce her, believing that if Falstaff succeeds first, it will make his own subsequent conquest easier. Falstaff readily accepts the gold and boasts that he has already arranged to meet Mistress Ford the next morning between ten and eleven, when her husband will be away. Ford is horrified to learn of this appointment but must maintain his disguise.

After Ford leaves, Page arrives and makes a similar request regarding his own wife, Mistress Page. Falstaff again accepts money and claims he will easily succeed with her as well, though he privately notes that Mistress Page has already exposed his earlier letter to her husband. When both men depart, Ford returns to his true identity and reveals his anguish in a soliloquy, tormented by jealousy and the knowledge of Falstaff’s planned assignation with his wife. He resolves to catch them together, unaware that his wife and Mistress Page are already plotting to humiliate Falstaff for his presumptuous advances.

The Merry Wives of Windsor centers on the failed romantic schemes of Sir John Falstaff, who attempts to seduce two married women, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, believing he can gain access to their husbands’ wealth. Falstaff sends identical love letters to both women, not realizing they are close friends. When the wives discover his duplicitous plan, they decide to teach him a lesson by pretending to reciprocate his advances while setting elaborate traps to humiliate him.

The wives orchestrate three separate tricks against Falstaff. In the first, they arrange for him to hide in a laundry basket when Master Ford arrives home unexpectedly in a jealous rage, and Falstaff is dumped into the Thames along with the dirty laundry. In the second trick, he disguises himself as an old woman but is beaten by Ford, who despises the supposed witch. For the final humiliation, they convince Falstaff to meet them in Windsor Forest at midnight disguised as Herne the Hunter, complete with antlers, where local children dressed as fairies pinch and torment him.

Meanwhile, a subplot involves the courtship of Anne Page, daughter of Mistress Page. Three suitors compete for her hand: the wealthy but foolish Abraham Slender (favored by her father), the French physician Dr. Caius (preferred by her mother), and the young gentleman Fenton (whom Anne herself loves). The parents each secretly arrange for their preferred suitor to elope with Anne during the fairy masque in the forest. However, Anne outsmarts them all by eloping with Fenton instead, while Slender and Dr. Caius each accidentally run off with disguised boys. The play concludes with Falstaff thoroughly humbled, the Pages reconciled to their daughter’s choice of husband, and Master Ford cured of his jealousy through witnessing his wife’s virtue and wit.