Original: Nay, you shall hear, Master Brook, what I have suffered to bring this woman to evil for your good.
Modern: No, listen, Master Brook, let me tell you what I’ve gone through to seduce this woman for your benefit.

Original: Being thus crammed in the basket, a couple of Ford’s knaves, his hinds, were called forth by their mistress to carry me in the name of foul clothes to Datchet-lane:
Modern: While I was stuffed in the basket, a couple of Ford’s servants were summoned by their mistress to carry me, disguised as dirty laundry, to Datchet-lane.

Original: they took me on their shoulders; met the jealous knave their master in the door, who asked them once or twice what they had in their basket:
Modern: They lifted me onto their shoulders; they ran into their jealous master at the door, who asked them a couple of times what was in their basket.

Original: I quaked for fear, lest the lunatic knave would have searched it; but fate, ordaining he should be a cuckold, held his hand.
Modern: I trembled with fear that the crazy fool would search the basket; but destiny, deciding he should be a cheated husband, stopped him.

Original: Well: on went he for a search, and away went I for foul clothes.
Modern: Well, he went off to search the house, and I was carried away as dirty laundry.

Original: But mark the sequel, Master Brook: I suffered the pangs of three several deaths;
Modern: But listen to what happened next, Master Brook: I endured the agony of three different kinds of death.

Original: first, an intolerable fright, to be detected with a jealous rotten bell-wether;
Modern: First, unbearable terror at the thought of being discovered by that jealous, disgusting old ram.

Original: next, to be compassed, like a good bilbo, in the circumference of a peck, hilt to point, heel to head;
Modern: Second, to be bent and crammed, like a fine Spanish sword, into the space of a small basket, completely folded up from end to end.

Original: and then, to be stopped in, like a strong distillation, with stinking clothes that fretted in their own grease:
Modern: And third, to be sealed in, like concentrated liquor, with stinking clothes that were rotting in their own filth.

Original: think of that,—a man of my kidney,—think of that,—that am as subject to heat as butter; a man of continual dissolution and thaw:
Modern: Imagine that—a man of my temperament—imagine that—a man who sweats as easily as butter melts; a man who’s constantly dissolving and melting.

Original: it was a miracle to scape suffocation.
Modern: It was a miracle I didn’t suffocate.

Original: And in the height of this bath, when I was more than half stewed in grease, like a Dutch dish, to be thrown into the Thames,
Modern: And at the peak of this sweaty torture, when I was more than half-cooked in my own sweat, like some greasy Dutch food, to be thrown into the Thames river,

Original: and cooled, glowing hot, in that surge, like a horse-shoe; think of that,—hissing hot,—think of that, Master Brook.
Modern: and dunked in the water while burning hot, sizzling like a red-hot horseshoe; imagine that—steaming hot—imagine that, Master Brook.

The Merry Wives of Windsor centers on the failed romantic schemes of Sir John Falstaff, who attempts to seduce two married women, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, believing he can gain access to their husbands’ wealth. Falstaff sends identical love letters to both women, not realizing they are close friends. When the wives discover his duplicitous plan, they decide to teach him a lesson by pretending to reciprocate his advances while setting elaborate traps to humiliate him.

The wives orchestrate three separate tricks against Falstaff. In the first, they arrange for him to hide in a laundry basket when Master Ford arrives home unexpectedly in a jealous rage, and Falstaff is dumped into the Thames along with the dirty laundry. In the second trick, he disguises himself as an old woman but is beaten by Ford, who despises the supposed witch. For the final humiliation, they convince Falstaff to meet them in Windsor Forest at midnight disguised as Herne the Hunter, complete with antlers, where local children dressed as fairies pinch and torment him.

Meanwhile, a subplot involves the courtship of Anne Page, daughter of Mistress Page. Three suitors compete for her hand: the wealthy but foolish Abraham Slender (favored by her father), the French physician Dr. Caius (preferred by her mother), and the young gentleman Fenton (whom Anne herself loves). The parents each secretly arrange for their preferred suitor to elope with Anne during the fairy masque in the forest. However, Anne outsmarts them all by eloping with Fenton instead, while Slender and Dr. Caius each accidentally run off with disguised boys. The play concludes with Falstaff thoroughly humbled, the Pages reconciled to their daughter’s choice of husband, and Master Ford cured of his jealousy through witnessing his wife’s virtue and wit.