Original: We burn daylight: here, read, read; perceive how I might be knighted.
Modern: We’re wasting time: here, read this, read it; see how I could be made a knight.

Original: I shall think the worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of men’s liking:
Modern: I’ll have a poor opinion of fat men for as long as I can judge what men are really like:

Original: and yet he would not swear; praised women’s modesty; and gave such orderly and well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness,
Modern: and yet he wouldn’t curse; he praised women’s virtue; and he scolded bad behavior in such a proper and well-mannered way,

Original: that I would have sworn his disposition would have gone to the truth of his words;
Modern: that I would have bet his character matched the truth of what he was saying;

Original: but they do no more adhere and keep place together than the Hundredth Psalm to the tune of ‘Green Sleeves.’
Modern: but his words and actions fit together about as well as a church hymn sung to a popular love song.

Original: What tempest, I trow, threw this whale, with so many tuns of oil in his belly, ashore at Windsor?
Modern: What storm, I wonder, washed this whale, with so many barrels of fat in his belly, onto the shore at Windsor?

Original: How shall I be revenged on him?
Modern: How can I get my revenge on him?

Original: I think the best way were to entertain him with hope, till the wicked fire of lust have melted him in his own grease.
Modern: I think the best way would be to keep his hopes up, until his sinful desires have melted him down in his own fat.

Original: Did you ever hear the like?
Modern: Have you ever heard anything like this?

In Act II, Scene 1 of “The Merry Wives of Windsor,” Mistress Page discovers a love letter from Sir John Falstaff and reacts with outrage at his presumptuous advances. She reads portions of the letter aloud, expressing her indignation at Falstaff’s attempt to seduce her with flattering but insulting language. When Mistress Ford enters, the two women compare their letters and discover that Falstaff has sent them nearly identical love letters, changing only their names. Both wives are incensed by this duplicitous behavior and immediately begin plotting their revenge against the presumptuous knight.

The scene continues as the wives are joined by Mistress Quickly, Ford (disguised), Page, Shallow, and Slender. Ford, consumed with jealousy and suspicion about his wife’s fidelity, speaks aside about his fears while the other men discuss various matters. Mistress Quickly agrees to serve as a messenger between the wives and Falstaff, helping to facilitate their revenge plot. The wives plan to encourage Falstaff’s pursuit while simultaneously ensuring his humiliation, setting in motion the series of tricks and deceptions that will dominate the remainder of the play. Ford’s jealousy intensifies as he observes his wife’s secretive behavior with Mistress Page, though he remains unaware of their true intentions.

The Merry Wives of Windsor centers on the failed romantic schemes of Sir John Falstaff, who attempts to seduce two married women, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, believing he can gain access to their husbands’ wealth. Falstaff sends identical love letters to both women, not realizing they are close friends. When the wives discover his duplicitous plan, they decide to teach him a lesson by pretending to reciprocate his advances while setting elaborate traps to humiliate him.

The wives orchestrate three separate tricks against Falstaff. In the first, they arrange for him to hide in a laundry basket when Master Ford arrives home unexpectedly in a jealous rage, and Falstaff is dumped into the Thames along with the dirty laundry. In the second trick, he disguises himself as an old woman but is beaten by Ford, who despises the supposed witch. For the final humiliation, they convince Falstaff to meet them in Windsor Forest at midnight disguised as Herne the Hunter, complete with antlers, where local children dressed as fairies pinch and torment him.

Meanwhile, a subplot involves the courtship of Anne Page, daughter of Mistress Page. Three suitors compete for her hand: the wealthy but foolish Abraham Slender (favored by her father), the French physician Dr. Caius (preferred by her mother), and the young gentleman Fenton (whom Anne herself loves). The parents each secretly arrange for their preferred suitor to elope with Anne during the fairy masque in the forest. However, Anne outsmarts them all by eloping with Fenton instead, while Slender and Dr. Caius each accidentally run off with disguised boys. The play concludes with Falstaff thoroughly humbled, the Pages reconciled to their daughter’s choice of husband, and Master Ford cured of his jealousy through witnessing his wife’s virtue and wit.