Original: What, have I scaped love-letters in the holiday-time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them?
Modern: What? Did I avoid getting love letters when I was young and beautiful, only to receive them now?

Original: Let me see.
Modern: Let me read this.

Original: ‘Ask me no reason why I love you; for though Love use Reason for his physician, he admits him not for his counsellor.
Modern: ‘Don’t ask me why I love you; even though Love uses Reason as his doctor, he won’t take Reason’s advice.

Original: You are not young, no more am I; go to then, there’s sympathy: you are merry, so am I; ha, ha! then there’s more sympathy: you love sack, and so do I; would you desire better sympathy?
Modern: You’re not young, and neither am I—there’s something we have in common! You’re cheerful, and so am I—ha, ha!—there’s even more we share! You love wine, and so do I—could you ask for better compatibility?

Original: Let it suffice thee, Mistress Page,—at the least, if the love of soldier can suffice,—that I love thee.
Modern: Let it be enough for you, Mrs. Page—at least, if a soldier’s love is good enough—that I love you.

Original: I will not say, pity me; ‘tis not a soldier-like phrase: but I say, love me.
Modern: I won’t say “pity me”—that’s not how a soldier talks—but I do say, love me.

Original: By me, Thine own true knight, By day or night, Or any kind of light, With all his might For thee to fight, JOHN FALSTAFF’
Modern: From me, your own faithful knight, by day or night, in any kind of light, with all his strength ready to fight for you, JOHN FALSTAFF’

Original: What a Herod of Jewry is this!
Modern: What a tyrant this man is!

Original: O wicked world!
Modern: Oh, what a corrupt world!

Original: One that is well-nigh worn to pieces with age to show himself a young gallant!
Modern: A man who’s practically falling apart from old age trying to act like a young lover!

Original: What an unweighed behavior hath this Flemish drunkard picked—with the devil’s name!—out of my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me?
Modern: What reckless behavior has this drunken fool—curse him!—gotten from our conversations that makes him dare to approach me like this?

Original: Why, he hath not been thrice in my company!
Modern: Why, he’s barely been in my company three times!

Original: What should I say to him?
Modern: What should I tell him?

Original: I was then frugal of my mirth: Heaven forgive me!
Modern: I was careful not to be too friendly with him—God forgive me for even that!

Original: Why, I’ll exhibit a bill in the parliament for the putting down of men.
Modern: I should petition Parliament to outlaw men completely!

Original: How shall I be revenged on him? for revenged I will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings.
Modern: How should I get my revenge on him? Because I will get revenge, as surely as his belly is full of sausages.

In Act II, Scene i of “The Merry Wives of Windsor,” Mistress Page discovers Falstaff’s letter declaring his romantic intentions toward her. She reads the letter aloud, expressing outrage at Falstaff’s presumption and his belief that she might be interested in an affair with him. Her indignation grows as she considers the audacity of the fat knight’s proposal and his assumption that she would be receptive to his advances.

Mistress Ford then enters, and the two women compare the letters they have received, discovering that Falstaff has sent nearly identical love letters to both of them, with only their names changed. The wives are initially angry but quickly begin to plot their revenge against Falstaff for his duplicity and presumption. They decide to play along with his scheme while planning to make him look foolish, discussing how they will teach him a lesson for his arrogance. Meanwhile, their husbands Ford and Page appear separately, with Ford disguised and both men having their own suspicions and concerns about Falstaff’s presence in Windsor.

The Merry Wives of Windsor centers on the failed romantic schemes of Sir John Falstaff, who attempts to seduce two married women, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, believing he can gain access to their husbands’ wealth. Falstaff sends identical love letters to both women, not realizing they are close friends. When the wives discover his duplicitous plan, they decide to teach him a lesson by pretending to reciprocate his advances while setting elaborate traps to humiliate him.

The wives orchestrate three separate tricks against Falstaff. In the first, they arrange for him to hide in a laundry basket when Master Ford arrives home unexpectedly in a jealous rage, and Falstaff is dumped into the Thames along with the dirty laundry. In the second trick, he disguises himself as an old woman but is beaten by Ford, who despises the supposed witch. For the final humiliation, they convince Falstaff to meet them in Windsor Forest at midnight disguised as Herne the Hunter, complete with antlers, where local children dressed as fairies pinch and torment him.

Meanwhile, a subplot involves the courtship of Anne Page, daughter of Mistress Page. Three suitors compete for her hand: the wealthy but foolish Abraham Slender (favored by her father), the French physician Dr. Caius (preferred by her mother), and the young gentleman Fenton (whom Anne herself loves). The parents each secretly arrange for their preferred suitor to elope with Anne during the fairy masque in the forest. However, Anne outsmarts them all by eloping with Fenton instead, while Slender and Dr. Caius each accidentally run off with disguised boys. The play concludes with Falstaff thoroughly humbled, the Pages reconciled to their daughter’s choice of husband, and Master Ford cured of his jealousy through witnessing his wife’s virtue and wit.